There is a certain kind of child who always has sticky red popsicle slush dribbling down his chin. Everyone blames farts and lice outbreaks on him. How did ex-certified hottie Jessica Simpson become Hollywood's version of that kid?
"Ex-certified" is to be taken with a grain of salt, of course. For all the recent "Jessica's ugly now" talk, deep down we all know she's a lovely woman, who launched a career with her loveliness. (And not a lot else.) But look at Us Weekly's recent coverage of Jessica—is it just me, or does she get more of the buffoonish farty-pants headlines than everyone else? Is this her doing, or is it ours?
In all groups of semi-differentiated people—cliques, families, boy bands, Sex and the City knock-offs-every character must stand for something. This is true in the world of celebrity gossip, too. Paris Hilton is The Spoiled One. Kristen Stewart is The Sulky One. And Jessica Simpson is officially The Gross One.